WEEKEND SPECIAL: Running A Studio, And Being A Nerd

Let's Take A Break

For many, it was a horrible week. My country, this prison state, is now torpedoing it’s own economy with stunts like placing tariffs on countries without people. No one at all seems bothered that Mahmoud Khalil is now just one of many American citizens arrested, imprisoned and sometimes deported by an administration that explicitly hates people with darker skin. We’re still in the honeymoon phase in this descent to Hell. It’s not great news all around. And then, personally, I was struck by the loss of Val Kilmer. I always knew he was one of my favorites, but only now did I truly look upon his body of work and realize there are a whole lot of great movies there.

There was a FilmStack challenge recently. What is FilmStack? I know, but also maybe not. Am I on it? Is there a subscription fee? Must I sacrifice a virgin? Again? I haven’t read what many have said yet, I’m a little behind. But I’m throwing my hat into the ring of What I Would Do If I Ran A Studio. I sort of answered this a while ago in the macro, but that was more of a case of insanity. I present my five ideas, which are not terribly original, so, you probably all beat me to it.

Idea #1: Cheap And Corny Merch For My Movies

Yeah, look. I want to tell you I’ve spending $100 million on the next Bela Tarr or something. But my studio is probably gonna make a lot of crap. It’s probably a good idea to steal from A24, who are clearly making a mint on shirts, coffee cups and other assorted merchandising off small movies seen by small crowds. Prepare yourself for “Moon Wolf” baseball caps.

Idea #2: Make Movies For Kids, But Also By Kids

The big studios have been punting on youth audiences for a very long time now, ceding that space to the likes of Twitch and YouTube. Studios have entire slates dependent on the viewing tastes of thirty and forty year olds. They also juice IP long enough to think you’ll get excited for the next sequel to squeeze a bunch of fifty year old dudes back into spandex.

This is also, however, an unprecedented moment for young people and technology, and the art of filmmaking has been democratized enough that you have some real talent lurking somewhere on TikTok, crafting mini-sagas with no money. Will you find the next Claire Denis? Maybe not. But you’re telling me we can’t supplant some no-talent bootlicker like Shawn Levy with a high schooler? Hollywood needs to learn what baseball fans figured out a long time ago — your team can sign a 32 year old shortstop who produces 1.0 WAR for $6 million a year, or you can call up a 21 year old youngster who will give you the same production for a fraction of the cost.

This would be carried out by scholarships for anyone 16-22 who can study at an academy funded by the studio, an annual one-year program that, at the end, will yield one young filmmaker who will direct a movie for the studio. The catch? The participant has to be absent from social media for one year, they cannot place their material online. The public should not impact the eventual winner nor should they influence the competition. This ain’t Project Greenlight.

Idea #3: Each Movie Has An Equal Ad Budget

No burying movies here. Every movie gets an equal chance in the crowded marketplace. Releases ranging from 1,000 to 3,500 screens, minimal television spend, new media with a dash of the old. Manageable and not obnoxious campaigns. No Today Show, but maybe a podcast appearance for the talent. Maybe a goofy viral pop-up stand at a concert or something.

Idea #4: Some Sports Movies

We need to rebuild the monoculture for mainstream movies to play again to crowded theaters. That means synergy with other elements of the monoculture. Make sports films for sports fans that come out when sports fans are the hungriest. For the playoffs. For the start of the season. Anytime when fan eyeballs can be gained. Movies should be about the culture, and sports frequently make efforts to crash into the culture.

Idea #5: Make Trailers Awesome Again

It feels like it’s been years since there’s been an awesome trailer in theaters. Mostly because a reliance on IP has made movies predictable, which suggests you can’t throw many curveballs in marketing. While I was in prison, I didn’t see any trailers, and I missed them terribly. But when I went back to watch the ones I missed, I didn’t see much that was exciting.

I am in favor of crafting trailers that tell stories, and they don’t always have to be the stories the filmmakers are telling. Give people something to talk about. Make them aware that the movie they were anticipating before the trailer now feels like a very different movie after the trailer. Shoot material specifically for the trailer. Bring back voiceover. And please, please, please get rid of modern trailers for “appropriate audiences”, and by that I mean, the modern trailer with R-rated content in it. No more foul language in trailers, no more excessive violence. The language makes it seem like the movie is poorly written, and the violence often gives the filmmakers an excuse to spoil the best bits. Bring back restraint in trailers. And voiceovers! And if you HAVE to do a “red-band” trailer, make it a really filthy, sleazy red-band. Don’t just drop two “f” words and an exploding head and call it a day.

Anyway, there was something else on my mind recently as well. I don’t need to tell longtime readers of my fondness for superhero movies. But I am also a realist, I don’t think any of them, with exceptions, have been truly great. The last few I’ve seen, I confess, leave much to be desired. But, like many, I was intrigued by that endless reveal of names attached to “Avengers: Doomsday”.

The MCU carries fascination to me, because it’s an unwieldy attempt to marry the serial storytelling of comics with the blockbuster aesthetics of movies. When I was in prison, we eventually got to see most of the superhero movies, through the Institutional DVD program. And then basic cable. A lot. Over and over again. I watched these movies dozens of times, not always by choice. I memorized so much of them, which was helped by a youth spent reading about these heroes on gorgeously-animated still pages and panels. I was down when “Age Of Ultron” came out, and when it finally was released, I was stunned at how much nerd-level continuity was being shared and embraced.

I spent the next couple of years wondering exactly what was happening with these movies as Marvel kept expanding their world (and yes, as DC made one attempt after another in trying to catch up). I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to tie the story strands together in my head. I spent far too long wondering how “Ant-Man”, “Venom” and the supposedly-in-continuity “Cloak And Dagger” show all tied together (they didn’t, for the record). When Disney purchased Fox, I immediately had expectations of the Avengers and X-Men meeting up. I hated how it sounded like, more and more, the movies were ignoring “Luke Cage”, a show I hadn’t even seen yet. When I recognized Alfre Woodard making a thankless appearance in “Age Of Ultron”, I was chagrined knowing she played someone else in that aforementioned “Luke Cage” show. People complain about how these movies and shows are too intertwined, too bogged down in continuity. By contrast, I don’t think there’s nearly enough interconnectivity.

So, for the Marvel goofballs like me, I have some thoughts on this cast list (one that, supposedly, will be expanded soon). I’m basically gonna take it name by name, with a few thoughts as to what this means as far as the Marvel universe, as well as what it says about the idea these coming “Avengers” may or may not be good movies (which… probably not!). In no real order:

Robert Downey Jr. — Yes, he’s basically the title character, so who could be surprised? What still confuses me is how no one is talking about what this casting confirms: the MCU will end after “Avengers: Secret Wars”. They’ll restart it, probably immediately, but it’s an acknowledgement that this was a messy experiment. They started this in 2008 without the rights to all their characters. It was a sloppy few years when the rights started to revert back to the studio and they’d try to integrate familiar faces into new places, engaging in a few ill-advised television sojourns (yes, I saw “Inhumans”). By the time they re-acquired the X-Men and Fantastic Four, they were already working on “Eternals”, and the pandemic hit. A lot going on, and a lot of momentum lost.

Downey bowed out of future Marvel movies not necessarily by choice — he became too expensive after his very first initial deal had few fail-safes given the potential for the actor playing Tony Stark to become a star. He’s signed to these two “Avengers” movies but he’s far too expensive to pop up as much as you’d expect from Dr. Doom. Because Doom doesn’t just go away — he’s a crucial element in the firmament of the Marvel universe, a villain too bright for the other bad guys, a major world leader and a genius who can save lives often as easily as he can end them. A new MCU will have another younger, cheaper actor in this role. But for now, Downey, the original hero of the MCU, will likely also be the final villain of the saga as well.

Anthony Mackie, Danny Ramirez — As I mentioned in my review of “Brave New World”, Sam Wilson has never truly stuck as Captain America, mostly because he continued to combine the key attributes of Cap with the gimmickry of the Falcon. Nonetheless, no other MCU heroes have fought a President, so Cap’s got that badge of honor. Unfortunately, his lousy movie (which made Sam Wilson seems like an idiot who can’t deduce a very basic mystery) ended with him promising Avengers status to his sidekick — we still have sidekicks? — Joaquin Torres, the new Falcon. I can warm to Ramirez. I liked him very much in the recent “Winner”, a movie I very highly recommend for anyone reading this Substack who has an interest in incarceration and criminal justice. But Torres is full Poochie — too chatty, not at all funny, and he brings nothing interesting to the table. You don’t need two guys with wings, Marvel. As much as I’m excited about a Mexican Avenger, this one is pretty weak.

Chris Hemsworth — I can’t help but feel like most of the characters suggested by these names are back in this movie simply to die. Despite a rather silly payoff required from “Deadpool And Wolverine”, does Hemsworth really need to be Thor any more?He’s getting older, and tiring of the shape he requires for the character. But the arc is also fairly complete. He loved Jane Foster and lost her. He didn’t kill Zeus, but he thinks he did, which means he may think he’s a wanted man. He’s got Love, an adopted daughter. His brother is keeping the universe whole. The sting is lessened by the idea the MCU ends, but maybe this is simply the end of Thor for now. Someone get this Chris a fatty milkshake, he’s earned it.

Tom Hiddleston — I’ve watched nearly all the Marvel shows — I need to go back to “Agents Of SHIELD” and some of these off-brand series to complete the whole thing. “Loki” was the one where, in two seasons, it seemed to conclude the story of the God Of Mischief. The strands of the multiverse are in his hands. Given the cosmic nature of these coming “Avengers” movies, maybe this means Loki is a major figure, or maybe he’s just a celestial being who will be available to give some helpful expository advice. If you put him, in corporeal form, on some sort of battlefield, you’ve pretty much spiked the entire meaning of the rather beguiling show.

Simu Liu — Liu seems like a nice guy, so I feel bad in suggesting maybe the normally-strong Marvel casting crew was wrong about this one. Seeing Liu in other roles since this has cemented that he’s just a vanilla presence onscreen, so I hope being promoted to the Avengers gives him a chance to show new sides of this character (who is otherwise unrecognizable from his comic counterpart). Originally his “Shang Chi” director Destin Daniel Cretton was supposed to direct “Avengers: The Kang Dynasty”, suggesting a bigger part for Shang-Chi. I wouldn’t be surprised if that plan has changed.

Also, we were robbed of a follow-up to THIS nonsense:

Letitia Wright, Winston Duke — An interesting curveball. The ending of “Wakanda Forever” seemed to imply Shuri was giving up the throne of Wakanda to M’Baku. Does this mean M’Baku would become Black Panther? Or maybe someone else (like his questionable comic book alter ego, Man Ape)? Maybe it’s just Shuri’s Black Panther with M’Baku in tow. Or maybe there are two Black Panthers. There are several possibilities, particularly considering a new MCU will likely feature a new T’Challa.

Paul Rudd — As much as I enjoy Rudd, the closing moments of “Ant-Man And The Wasp: Quantumania” suggested that the next time Ant-Man would face Kang (likely in “The Kang Dynasty”), the Conqueror would take him out quickly. That should be the plan again, if only so we can free Rudd from this world and get back to seeing him in a solid comedy or two before he reaches 60 (he turns 56 tomorrow!). As for his partner the Wasp, given Evangeline Lilly’s supposed retirement and the character’s lack of prominence in the movies (galling considering she’s an original Avenger in the source material), that’s probably the last we’ve seen of her.

Tenoch Huerta Mejia — This seemed dicey for a while, given sexual assault allegations against Huerta. But it’s also odd for a storytelling perspective — “Wakanda Forever” made the mistake of making several characters of the Talokan nearly as powerful as he is. What happens in “Doomsday” that arouses the interest of him alone, and, it is assumed, not his massive underwater army? However, as a longtime fan of the comics, Namor’s presence makes a lot of sense, as he’s been ubiquitous in the Marvel universe since becoming its first super-being ever. Namor has a long history with Dr. Doom, but also with the Fantastic Four (see below), so for fans who appreciate the history reaching so far back (Namor first showed up in 1939), it’s very cool to see him here.

Florence Pugh, David Harbour, Hannah John-Kamen, Sebastian Stan, Wyatt Russell, Lewis Pullman — Well, now we know who dies in “Thunderbolts*” (Olga Kurylenko’s Taskmaster, not mentioned here), who joins the team (Stan, Pullman) and who else survives (everyone else). I do believe in the theory circulating about the end of “Thunderbolts*” — that Countess Valentina Allegra de Fontaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus!) is attempting to groom the Thunderbolts to become the new Avengers. Naturally, their first mission in their next movie would be an ill-fated battle with Dr. Doom, like they were some sort of… suicide… squad... We also now know that the theoretical villain of “Thunderbolts”, Lewis Pullman’s Sentry, will somewhat change his ways and possibly take the side of the “heroes” at the end of the movie, possibly against an as-yet-unrevealed greater threat. But Sentry is a serious Marvel heavyweight, so it’s curious that he’d make it to “Doomsday” given that he’s basically a homicidal Superman. As for Bucky, well, Sebastian Stan is out here getting Oscar nominations. His Bucky, a senatorial (!) candidate in the coming movie, is headed towards a glorious death.

Channing Tatum — Wait, you’re serious? Figured that Gambit, as seen in “Deadpool And Wolverine”, was sort of a joke character. How’d we get him and not Moon Knight? Also, the ending of “Deadpool And Wolverine” suggests continued multiverse adventures of several characters, but out of all of them, we just get Magic Mike. They’re saving it for “Secret Wars”, I would guess.

Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellan, James Marsden, Kelsey Grammer, Alan Cumming, Rebecca Romijn — So much to say here, but a lot of it is apologetic towards James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Tye Sheridan, Nicolas Hoult, Kodi Smit-McPhee and Jennifer Lawrence, who all did passable-to-solid work as the newer X-Men in a series of increasingly-forgettable X-Men movies. Comic fans can squint and see how Xavier, Magneto, Mystique, Cyclops, Beast and Nightcrawler could be considered a plausible alternate X-Men squad, but one wonders if there may be more mutants on the way (Halle Berry reportedly is a “no”, probably for salary reasons — I get it). One of the tougher elements of making these movies is that a characters’ presence in a storyline is often boiled down to the plot function of their powers. Mystique popping up here (provided everyone is reprising their old characters) suggests this movie will utilize an element of stealth as a weapon against Dr. Doom or a related villain. Or will Mystique simply be bouncing around and kicking people?

Whatever the case, one can argue this all derives from the ending of “The Marvels”, where we were reunited with Kelsey Grammer’s Beast, seemingly from a universe separate from the FOX world we already know. The choice of Beast to pop up in that moment has a symbolic meaning, since Beast was one of the first X-Men to also moonlight as an Avenger. But that begs the question of that final scene with Beast, which also featured Photon (Teyonah Parris) and Binary (Lashana Lynch) — where are those two?

Pedro Pascal, Jessica Kirby, Joseph Quinn, Ebon Moss-Bacharach — The Fantastic Four, of “The Fantastic Four: First Steps”, the final Marvel movie before “Avengers: Doomsday”. That movie, and “Thunderbolts*”, are expected to reshape the Marvel world. Normally this is an empty promise, but I wonder if maybe both of those movies have atypically apocalyptic endings. In the case of “Thunderbolts*”, it could mean tying the Sentry to multiversal disaster, given that in a fair fight he would simply destroy the team with one blink. And in the case of “First Steps”, given that movie’s presence in an as-yet-unrevealed alternate timeline menaced by the planet-eating Galactus, one could assume the final moments have the heroes decamping to the MCU to avoid certain death (which echoes elements of the 2015 “Secret Wars” storyline). Maybe this is due to someone realizing Moss-Bacharach is already in the MCU, as Microchip in the “Punisher” Netflix series. An interesting side note is the presence of the Silver Surfer in “First Steps”, played by Julia Garner. Perhaps she doesn’t survive — an intriguing choice given that Silver Surfer is another hero with a long and decorated history, among the Marvel universe proper but specifically with Dr. Doom. Which of course lends credence to the theory that the world of “First Steps” will be a memory by the time of “Doomsday”. The question is, will Dr. Doom also be a refugee of “First Steps”, or will the Fantastic Four of one world team with the Avengers of a second world to stop a Victor Von Doom from an unrelated third world? And is this complete gibberish?

Enjoy Dolph Lundgren as the first-ever THE PUNISHER! Happy weekend. This is a good week coming up.