The BFG

And Snitching

I wouldn’t count myself on the Forever-Spielberg train. Obviously, many of his films hold a special place in my heart. “E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial” is the first movie to make me cry. I still shudder at the sight of the dinosaurs in “Jurassic Park”. As a kid, with undiscerning glee I repeatedly rented “Hook”. Just recently, I felt that his remake of “West Side Story” was actually superior to the original. Yes, I’ll die on that hill, because the Venn Diagram of people who have seen both versions and are super-passionate about it is extremely small!

But the guy doesn’t have a flawless record. I saw “Ready Player One” in prison, and I LOATHED it. I thought it was visually unimpressive, thematically flimsy, and like the book a startlingly surface-level reading of 80’s pop culture. It was the mind behind “Jaws” doing a “The Last Starfighter” ripoff, and it was decidedly beneath him. Why would you have a Master Of Pop Culture of that era make a movie about the tangentially-related junk from the period? I was hoping for a curveball, like, instead of melting into Stanley Kubrick’s “The Shining” (which is not in the book, but also not entirely necessary), what if the characters ended up in “Withnail And I”, or even, maybe, the novel of Tom Wolfe’s “Bonfire Of The Vanities”? Just because it was Spielberg trying to beat Shawn Levy at his own game doesn’t mean we should have to suffer Spielberg lowering himself to compete with Shawn Levy.

“The BFG”, which didn’t get a real enthusiastic reception, isn’t that. This feels more like a return to the Amblin style, enough that it’s also got a pretty distinct, lightfooted approach not really seen often in the current the-world-is-on-the-brink style of big studio movies, even the most family friendly offerings. This is about one little girl on a wild adventure and it doesn’t need to be much more than that.

The girl is Sophie, a ten year old British girl in an isolated, movie-depressing orphanage. I don’t want to sound mean about this girl, because I liked her a lot, and she genuinely cracked me up. She’s sort of a bull in a china shop here, because she’s an irritating, nerdy scold. She’s got an unfortunate bowl haircut, rabbity front teeth and thick glasses frames that make part of her seem sixty years old. She’s a riot, in other words, so when she gets taken by a gangly, disgusting orge, you’re not exactly rapt with suspense as to whether or not this girl will survive. Instead, you’re wondering, what will happen to this unruly little brat? Where will she go? And who will be left to be the hall monitor?

The giant takes her to his magical giant world in the countryside that ends up being a big CGI wonderland. Some of this stuff is better than you’d expect, but much of it is pretty terrible, and it’s never convincing as being physically there. CGI so, so, so rarely seems like a physical presence in film, and that’s when it’s trying to create something real. When it’s intended to look outlandish and inhuman, as it is here, you wonder why any of this movie is in live action in the first place. The main giant, called the Big Friendly Giant in a triumph of modern day branding, is played by Mark Rylance, and his visage and personality come across moreso than his giant brethren. To watch his crow’s feet and gentle eyes coming from this hulking creature is amusing. Seeing the cartoon-monster appearance of his peers, bouncing around in zero gravity glee, is less so.

What follows is a fairly simple story, since the BFG is bullied and battered by his peers, and because he’s lonely enough to find a friend in Sophie. They go into business together as a dreamcatching team, even as she remains in hiding from the other giants. This conflict comes to a halt when Sophie and the BFG opt to enlist Queen Elizabeth against the people-eating giants. The movie peaks at a delightful Buckingham Palace sojourn, where the BFG basically acts as the world’s biggest snitch. I don’t love that!

That sequence, confidently slow, showcases the awkward and shy BFG finding respect and care in the most unlikely of places. The Queen (Penelope Wilton) puts the BFG at ease, thoughtfully procuring him size-appropriate furniture. And then they share his frobscottle, a boozy drink that causes everyone, including the cute little corgis, to flatulate. This is Oscar winner Steven Spielberg working with a $140 million budget, and we should all be comfortable that a highlight is farting dogs. This movie is a pleasant time for viewers, a palette cleanser for Spielberg, and perhaps for you if you need something for the holiday to watch as the tryptophan puts you to sleep after turkey dinner.

Snitches didn’t exactly get stitches where I was from, but they weren’t tolerated highly. If you were a snitch, then your paperwork will signify you signed a 5K1 letter. This is a letter stating that you had something of value to offer the persecution, and in turn they offered a lesser sentence. 5k1 letters were a sign you’ll sell someone out, and most snitches would not be permitted to join a “car.” Being a snitch, and being a sex offender, were considered the same offense, and those with that kind of paperwork likely were not given much status.

There were a lot of snitches where I came from. None were exactly hunted down, though all you needed to do was get the wrong man upset, and they’d make an example of you. Most people who took a brutal beating would disappear afterwards, as they’d be sent to another institution. It would be called a “separation” from an inmate, though if they had no facts, the staff would select an arbitrary inmate to provide the source of the separation. Morally, I can’t square my feelings for the 5k1. If you had to return to family on the outside, if someone needed you to come out soon, then I can understand the decision. Beyond that, I don’t think the choice is worth making. You might lose time off your sentence, but there is nothing the prison will do to accommodate you if you are in danger for the information you supplied. They’ll gladly hang you out to dry if it meant snapping up another perp with minimal work. Y’all are just chess pieces.

For the record, by no means is it all-encompassing. But if anyone wants to see the feds’ outlook in snitching, I recommend Clint Eastwood’s “The Mule”, which features a subplot about a criminal who rats out his associates. Bradley Cooper and Michael Pena very realistically play two feds who absolutely hate their new criminal informant.