Fatman

And The Corporations Lying To Put More People In Prison

It’s a Merry Christmas week for my followers! I know I haven’t marked it, but I hope everyone enjoyed Hanukkah and Kwanzaa and I just hope, in general, you were able to experience a bit of happiness with loved ones during this period. Unfortunately, as far as representation in movies, Christmas blows all other holidays away, so we’re going with five days with Santa Claus. And for some, Christmas means spending time with Mel Gibson in “Fatman”.

Yeah, this is a thing that happened: without irony, Mel Gibson was cast as Santa Claus. Because when you’re casting Kris Kringle, why not give a call to an alcoholic anti-semite? Look, here’s what we’re gonna do on this substack: we’re gonna acknowledge that people have dimensions, and we’re going to acknowledge the most relevant dimensions. So I’m going to point out that Mel Gibson is most likely an awful person in his real life, and a talented and appealing performer on-screen, even in his august years. Everyone can make their independent choice as to whether they can support him. But we’re gonna talk about him in a Santa suit in this excessively peculiar genre picture. I hope that jerk’s happy about that.

This is a movie that takes a practical approach to Santa Claus, in that this is essentially an R-rated movie about an old man with a difficult job. Gibson’s Santa regularly distributes gifts every year, though he also leaves a lump of coal for the children who don’t behave – in the comments, I’d love to know if you know anyone who has actually received coal for Christmas. Because of an excess of children on the naughty list, the expenditures on Christmas are less justifiable, and Santa and his wife are forced to make some capitalist concessions to keep the holiday afloat.

The big storytelling innovation here is that the government subsidizes Santa in order to maintain Christmas, which in turn stimulates the economy. With lowered margins, the military passively-aggressively threatens Santa with lower payments unless Santa doesn’t instruct his elves (vaguely, though not overwhelmingly, magical) to also build military weapons and accessories. This is the kind of movie that dares to ask explicit questions about the working conditions of elves, and it also dares to suggest the answer is, “Working for Santa is awesome enough to justify indentured servitude, and also we’re magic.” It’s an ethos, I suppose.

As Santa gears up for another busy Christmas, it turns out he’s given coal to the same kid entirely too many times. Little Billy, a pubescent Donald Trump but not as smart, is the kind of rich boy that finishes second in a science fair and orders a hit on the girl that won. Santa has offended the boy too many times, so now, he’s hired some black ops badasses to try to take out Santa Claus. This all sounds comedic, but it really is a dead-serious action movie where soldiers are hired by a child to murder St. Nick.

This poker-faced approach (which is maybe funnier than any jokey version of this film) extends to the performances. Yes, this movie is based on the stupid conservative talking point that kids today misbehave more than earlier generations, but Gibson’s performance suggests a husk of a man worn down by ill-behaved children. Leading the assassins out to kill Santa is Walton Goggins, playing a hired killer with qualms about his mission. Do YOU want to be remembered as the guy who killed Santa? And because this movie has that wild go-for-broke attitude you see in a lot of COVID-era productions, Mrs. Claus is improbably played by Mike Leigh regular Marianne Jean-Baptiste, who brings a ton of gravity to the woman who (just barely) keeps Santa from sucking on the barrel of his own gun.

I still haven’t seen David Harbour in “Violent Night”, but I understand this has a similar gimmick in watching Santa Claus become an instrument of death. In that film, I presume there’s a lot of one-on-one conflict. This one has more clever ingenuity, with Santa sneaking around, setting off bombs, outwitting his prey. Instead of being fun, this has an overall downbeat, solemn nature – which, again, might be part of the joke, but it’s still bizarrely muted. As it is in real life, in movies you worry that Mel’s gonna get Mad™ and start to kill out of holiday rage. Sure enough, you get pissed-off Riggs, now in a red suit under a thick, unkempt beard, and as a performer he takes you to a place everyone might have once felt amusing but is now a little scary – the movie ends in the darkness of his cold dead stare, because this Santa has been around the block maybe twice too many.

In “Fatman”, the state of the economy is at stake, enough for the government to shake down Santa Claus. But sometimes, disturbing the flow of capitalism is enough to spark action by lawmakers even if the numbers are fudged. For years, the media (left and right) have been repeating this idea of shoplifting being a scourge of the country’s retail practices. This narrative of Sticky Bandits making their way through major chain stores is based, of course, on fraudulent information, and there is no upswing in store theft, even if your local pharmacy continues to lock down the new Gillette blades.

What’s distressing is that major businesses know that and they continue to push the lie, spending millions as a way to incarcerate more people. WalMart, Home Depot, 7 Eleven and In-n-Out Burgers are participating in this current kayfabe at the above link that will not solve any theft issues (who steals from In-N-Out Burger?) but will instead greatly expand our carceral state. Proposition 36 just passed in California, thanks to the money from these massive franchises, eliminating funding for rehabilitative programming opportunities and allowing the federal government (typically much more punitive than state authorities) to prosecute shoplifters. There are also increased punishments and mandated treatment programs for drug users, which is hardly a solution after repeated studies on drug abuse go unnoticed by those lobbying for the obtuse idea of “hard on crime”. The punishments for shoplifters increasing has nothing to do with increased rates of theft and everything to do with these major businesses lying about their circumstances and pushing laws that will harm entire communities and result in stiffer penalties. In other words, expanded prison sentences, brought to you not by an informed politician, but by Home Depot.

FYI, I bring two bits of holiday tidings, courtesy of myself and several of the great Substack film people.

First, I contributed to the Underexposed substack’s collection of holiday treats, where, among great company, I recommend “Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang”. Click here to feel the love.

Secondly, I was a part of the Christmas Film Guide Feast, where I discuss the certifiably insane “I’m Dreaming Of A White Doomsday”! Click here for reviews, plus recipes!